You Wrung Me Out Too, Too, Too Many Times

Cold War Kids are amazing. I mean, I don’t even know what to say. I heard “Hang Me Up To Dry” a few days ago and decided to watch the video. Their name is great, their songs are bluesy and fun. And — this is the deal-sealer for me — they hail from Fullerton, CA. Oh, Fullerton. Mark Kotsay went to CSU Fullerton. I’m hoping I can go to their show in September in Berkeley WITH THE WHITE STRIPES HELLO NEED I SAY MORE NO.

I totally didn’t realize it was Monday. I miss doing Mondays Mean Music. Dare I revive the tradition? Yes. Yes, I do and will. I’ve kicked YouSendIt to the curb since files expire a mere seven days after you upload them. Say hello to my new little friend, box.net. Totally recommended.

• Cold War Kids – “Hang Me Out To Dry”
• Cold War Kids - “Hospital Beds”

Gil Meche, Gil Meche, Gil Meche

Disclaimer: This post has nothing to do with Gil Meche. Wait, yes it does. Everyone is making a big hullabaloo about Albert Pujols not getting to play in the All-Star Game, but I think we all know that Gil Meche is the real victim here. He is, after all, just a Love Mecheine.

The real All-Star Game logo.

So, the best the National League has done the last ten games is a tie. How sad and completely unenjoyable. We were so close this year, too. I’m thinking that Francisco Rodriguez made it exciting just to mock me. He’s good at that. He’s been good at that since 2002.

I’ve always wondered how long it would take for a baseball-related meme with the fame of, perhaps, lolcats to circulate around the internets. I tried pimping out the emoness of Brett Tomko but to no avail. Actually, after I made Facebook group called “At least you’re not Brett Tomko,” two more Tomko-related groups have sprung up. I empathize with the creators of “Brett Tomko sucks” and “DFA Brett Tomko.” A Brett Tomko from Akron, OH made a wall post on “At least you’re not Brett Tomko” saying,

“You know what sucks? I am Brett Tomko.”

Which is basically the best thing ever with all the LOL-inducing. Coming close to the best thing ever, if not the breast thing ever, is this. I can’t wait till December. I’m going to go up to everyone and say, “Attention, yuelists! My hair is wishing you a Merry Christmas!” Or, as Michael Scott once put it, “Well, happy birthday, Jesus. Sorry your party’s so lame.”

Free Balls

Guess where I went? ManBreast. FanFest. Yes, that’s right. Honestly, I felt scared in a convention center full of baseball fanatics. I’m not as knowlegeble about the game as I’d like to be, which is ironic since one of my friends just commented, “I wish I was as knowlegeble about baseball as you.” I enjoy human interest stories to supplement cold, hard stats. Hearing that Ryan Dempster wants to become a ninja or that Reggie Willits lives with his wife in a batting cage or that Eric Byrnes exists helps expose the essential truth that keeps me hooked on baseball: there are men under the lid and the jersey. Men who put their pants one leg at a time. Men who might feel the same smallness on a late-night flight across the country, above the clouds. Men who aren’t simply overpaid robots. The unique pace of baseball allows time for anecdotes, for lore. I love that personality can shine through each man’s style of play. I love the quirkiness, the fact that each woven seam has a story. I love that, while the fortunes of the game might dictate otherwise, any player that has any sort of significance to his fans will live on forever in their hearts. I guess baseball’s a constant struggle between mortality and immortality.

Your Park Is A Bandbox From Hell

“What’s your favorite song?” seems to appear on every Facebook/MySpace survey I do. I can spend hours and hours thinking it over, only to draw the same conclusion each time: I can’t choose just one. It’s like when you go into the candy aisle at Walgreen’s. Do you grab the Sour Patch Kids or the box of Swedish Fish? Or do you decide to throw yourself a curveball and get the Gobstoppers? If it was up to me and not my high blood sugar, I’d buy them all. All 151 of them. How many Pokemon are there now, anyway?* That’s another hard question. What’s your favorite Pokemon? I’ve always been a big Weepinbell fan. Geodude, too, because it saved my behind so many times in the game. Sadly, I had no one to trade with to get a Golem. Or a Gengar. Or a Machoke. Someone stole my Blue version in fourth grade which induced major tears. I remember my excitement after discovering Missingno (which I  still pronounce it Missing-go) and my unprecedented disappointment after realizing that Mew would never show up underneath that damn truck. After I go a GameShark, I got my first taste of the hax0rz and did all I could to get to the elusive “Pokemon Forest” in Yellow. Oh, the surf game. Ever since then, I’ve loved all those easter eggs and sekrit hacks and hidden areas and the like. Speaking of, I finally got the FFXII strategy guide. Too late, since I already opened the chests linked to getting the Zodiac Spear. LAME.

*493, apparently. Oh, the times, they are a’changing.

Attention, Duelists

The last few weeks of school kept me so preoccupied that I failed to realize that LittleKuriboh has produced several more gems of brilliance. If you aren’t familiar with YuGiOh: The Abridged Series, you should be. This wonderfully talented man dubbed the first season of YGO as well as the movie and even an obligatory Christmas special. Each episode features at least one line that makes me ROTFLOL. Some of my favorite quotes:

“I’m too rich to die!”
“Screw the Yules, I have money!”
“No … my hair is your father.”
“Yu-Gi-Oh is sponsored by Yugio’s. They’re Yugilicious. Wait, Yugilicious? What does that even mean? Are they supposed to taste like Yugi or something?”
“My voice gives me super strength!”
“Run while you can, mortal. Soon, I will rule the world. And then we’ll see who smells… It’ll be you.”
“Huh. Well, that was just weird. I should probably cut down on the drugs.”
“IN AMERICA!”
“Hey, everybody, look at me! I’m Seto Kaiba! I have a dragon fetish, and I sound like Brock from Pokémon! Screw the rules, I’m in love with Nurse Joy!”
“Attention, duelists! You guys are not duelists!”
“We can’t let those brats escape the virtual word in one piece.” “That’s right, so let’s all stand up dramatically at the same time. Excellent.”
“You are NOT American! You’re not even wearing a flag on your head!”

Perhaps the best one of all:

“Time for a trip to the Recycle Bin, Phantom. And then, once you’re in the Recycle Bin, I’m going to right-click on it and select ‘Empty Recycle Bin’ because, otherwise, you would just be taking up unecessary space. In other words, I’m going to kill you.”

Give it a gander:
LittleKuriboh on YouTube
LittleKuriboh on DailyMotion
Official Yugioh: The Abridged Series Site

Update ~2 years later: Thanks for all the quote contributions, commenters. My hair is crying tears of gratitude.

Advanced Procrastination

AP scores are supposed to come out soon. That’s fantastic for everyone who isn’t me. Calculus: (long and) hard. US History: it could go either way. English Lang & Comp: I only had ten minutes to finish the last of three essays. I always seem to do that. They should offer AP Zone Out While Test-taking. I’d get a five on that for sure. I would also definitely get a five on any of these exams:

• AP Lunch
• AP Gundam Assembly
• AP Reading On The Toilet
• AP LOUD NOISES

Longwood University, here I come! But not before I finish/start on that good old summer reading. Ha, ha, ha. I read Robin Cook’s Fever and give it three bananas out of five. Whoever came up with the idea of summer reading isn’t all that cool. I give him/her .38947924/5 bananas. Yes, that’s right. You can have decimals in your ratings. Stick it to the man, and give the next movie you review a pi out of five.

At the end of every entry, I think, “Wasn’t there a point to this?” But there never was, and there never will be. That’s the beauty of thinking aloud to no one.