Everything I Like Gets Cancelled

R.I.P. Arrested Development (2003-2006)
Hilarious in ways previously unimaginable

It’s true. It’s gotten to the point where not only is it not funny, it’s pretty sad. Like when you really want to drink that cool glass of orange-pineapple juice, and suddenly your grabby little hands knock it over. It’s not just the fact that you have to clean it up. No, you also have to pour yourself another glass. But what if there isn’t anymore juice in the carton? What then? Or maybe there is, but the refrigerator’s holding out on you. There’s nothing you can do besides a) get a less disappointing fridge or b) get some more juice. Alas, the supermarket you go to doesn’t carry orange-pineapple anymore, so you have to search/wait around for juice just as good or better. Something like kiwi-strawberry. Banana-lime. Grape-sausage.

I mean, you could always just count on orange-pineapple to come out on DVD in cans or something, but those can get pretty pricey. Because cans are more expensive than cartons. These aren’t just any kind of cans, though. These are cans you can watch anytime, cans that often come with special features. You know, never-before-seen deleted flavors, interactive fruit-blasted menus, 100% region-free ingredients and whatnot.

This blog entry is making me thirsty.

Intraweb

The World by Pablo Bruscky

The internet is, like, everything. Anything important (or not-so important) that happens is on this information superhighway. I mean, it’s endless. Internet = the universe? That might very well be true, although some would refute the web’s perpetuality.

<BombScare> i beat the internet
<BombScare> the end guy is hard

And the universe’s, too. Universus? I hope we don’t implode on ourselves soon. Or explode. Or any other kind of plode that I’m not aware of.

Mondays Mean Music 4

I’m an Angloaudiophile.

All this time, I was wondering what that song was in the TV trailer for Reign Over Me. Turns out I had it all along on my computer. It’s quite fantastic when that happens, because I get to instantly enjoy “Ashes” by Embrace. And because I now have a theme for this week’s Mondays Mean Music: Song Stylings From Across The Pond! (American Idol? Never heard of it.) Yes, that’s right. SSFATP. Try saying that ten times fast with eight slices of wheat bread in your mouth. Not so easy, is it?

• Embrace – “Ashes”
• Embrace – “Gravity”
• Electrelane – “To The East”
• Keane – “Can’t Stop Now”
• The Kooks – “She Moves In Her Own Way”
• The Charlatans – “Blackened Blue Eyes”

Supersized for your pleasure. In the mood for some funny via The New Yorker? I think The Optimist is my new favorite person. “What a great guy! I really miss him! No, I don’t! It’s all good!” Good times.

Al Gore Does Not Celebrate Global Warming

Remember that episode of The Simpsons when Lisa buys Al Gore’s book?

Officer: Mr. Vice President! Someone finally bought a copy of your book, sir.
Al Gore: Well, this calls for a celebration. [puts on a Kool 'n' the Gang record: "Celebrate good times..."] I will.

Do we have a visual aid? Yes, we do, my friend. Yes, we do.

I just randomly thought about that today, as I do everyday. Actually, it wasn’t too random. The sample synthesis question for this year’s AP English Lang test was about the influence of television on presidential campaigns. If that had been the real question, I probably would have talked about all the mudslinging ads and the profound satire of MADtv and Saturday Night Live. And The Simpsons, of course. Or maybe I would’ve gotten all askjuiwiq-ed up and ended up writing about sea … creatures.

Here’s a clip from An Inconvenient Truth, which everyone should watch because Al Gore invented the internets.

Tell Me Something

If there’s anything I’ve learned from history class this year, it’s a lot of things. But the most important one is how, throughout civilization, men have gotten all riled up about annoyances that only serve as a pretext for deeper motives. Before this year, I was under the impression that the Civil War was fought to free the slaves. Little did I know that below the issue of slavery bubbled a battle for sovereignty between North and South. It seems like every conflict stems from a power struggle.

I’ve also learned that it’s sad to see people cry. And that, when you cry, things are supposed to make you feel better actually make you feel worse. Do you think that people are genuinely interested in hearing your problems? I mean, no one wants to hear you rant constantly, because it brings everyone down. But how much responsibility do we have to make them feel better? We can’t make them feel better unless we understand them, but we can’t understand anyone else unless we understand ourselves. Life is hard and expensive.

Before, I expected too much out of people. I viewed them as a panacea for my problems without knowing that my burden was too heavy for them. For anyone, really. Everyone’s got their own problems to deal with, so why put more on their shoulders? Why have a nasty blob thing when you could have a shiny red apple instead?*

I pose too many rhetorical questions, including ones that don’t make sense. I should make that an entry category. Procrastinating, Quotes, Ramblings, then Rhetorical Questions.

*Because shiny red apples are delicious, and nasty blob things are not. Not so rhetorical now, is it!

We Are All Pirating Scum

Or so they say.

Weird Al ranks high on my list of savs.